The Magical Spartan Baby
by Arufabetto
Summary: Filled with crack and bad grammer. XD Don't worry, you'll live to see the end of it. Collab with Shmoobunny182. Written over AIM.


once upon a time there was a duck. its name was moose.  
the moose liked to spend time out in the field of flowers  
when moose was in the flowers he liked to skip and dance and frolic like a flamboyant little child  
he would sometimes invite his moosey friends, steve and poochie  
moose, steve, and poochie decided they would have a picnic and they made a basket full of tacos and apple sauce  
they were also gonna make tanquitos but they werent exactly sure what those were or how they were made, so they didn't  
but poochie was still really interested in what a taquito was so he looked it up in the dictionary and learned that they were tiny burritos that are cooked to make warm and yummy  
so, they looked up a recipe and got crackin  
they cooked all day and made some super yummy taquitos. they were so amazing that they decided to enter them into a taquito contest  
when the taquitos were done cooking, poochie took all the food that was made and wrapped it up to be put in a picnic bascket  
they were taking all the notsuperamazing taquitos onto their picnic because taquitos are the worlds best picnic food except for bologna sammiches  
when they arrived at the park steve, the less important character of this extravaganza, unfolded and laid out a red and white checkored picnic blanket  
steve stared at the blanket because its wonderfully wonderful colors and design were so fabulous. he was hypnotized by them. he couldn't resist. he took the blanket and ran off to go to some other country so he could marry it, leaving moose and poochie alone at the park without a picnic blanket  
because of teh wonderful new of steve's and the picnic blankets marriage and run-off-ness, moose pulled out another picnic blacket this one was more yaoified all rainbow and such  
poochie was delighted about this yaoitastic blanket and while he was really tempted to pull a steve and marry the yaoified picnic blanket, he didnt. instead he pulled out an iron to make the picnic blanket nice and straight and perfect  
after poochies little neat freak and crushing episode, moose and him laid out the foodses. But ohnoes, they had forgotten the desserts! o_0  
they were mortified! how on earth did they manage to forget the yummytastic cheesecake and caramel apples?! moose collapsed into a pile of misery and despair, sobbing and being miserable.  
poochie went over to moose and pated him on the back like a good bot should! he sais there there it shall be ok! LOVE PREVAILS!!! Suddenly a fairy appears in the mists of a snow mist thing of weather blurr snow fist loveness!  
moose and poochie stared at the fairy in amazement! the fairy was so pretty and her hair was made of sugar! "i am a sugar fairy!" said the sugar fairy. "i am here to give you sugar and yummy things!" moose got very excited and jumped up to take a bite out of the fairy's hair  
"ouch! moose, what did you learn in moose school for the overhyperactive?" asked the fairty. moose replied with a jump skit and a flip in the air! Poochie dove into the pile of marshmellows (god knows were those came in from) and couldnt get out! so he decided to explore teh magical abyss of marshmellowy goodness!  
the marshmellows were fluffy and poochie decided that he would take a nap in them. when he woke up he was in front of a magical castle made of magical marshmellowss. a giant fish made of marshmellow came out of the caste "yo wuz up i'm the king of this marshmellow castle and i think you're on my lawn." said the king. poochie was really surprised and had no idea what he should do. "oh mister king of the marshmellow castle i'm sorry that i'm on your lawn!"  
The marshmellow king replied "oh hohohohoho (like santa) well thats ok (in santa voice) little poochie. That thing fairy you make have encountered earlier , (how did i know that?) was actually none other than the tooth fairy herself!" poochia said, "I LIKE KLONDIKE BARS OH YEAH!" Marshmellow king was thinking, 'what a spazz U_U"  
"OHAYWAIT, if she was the tooth fairy, why would she give up sweet things? THEY ROT YOUR TEETHH! ITS A CONSPIRACY THEORY!" Poochi started to panic because conpiracys are scary things that like to eat pie in the middle of the night. because he was smart and figured that out, the marshmellow king gave him a yummy klondike bar.  
How he didnt notice that his tail was on fire, he'll never know. The ponit was that "Poochies like myself and my half brother 2nd cousing twice removeds roomates moms brothers uncles cousins olds step grandfather to araham lincolns sisters penpal on deviant art, knows ill always despise her cooking! and her daughter!"  
suddenly, the flame from his tail lit the marshmellow king and his castle on fire! "help! i'm on fire and my face if burning off!" the marshmellow king melted and so did the castle so poochie decided to have some smores with his klondike bar. but at the last second, he remembered he had never eated his lunch so he put the smores into his pocket and went to find moose so they could eat their taquitos  
MEANWHILE: Moose was frolicking in the flowers, a leprochaun appeaered! "Woazomged! And Leprachuan!" Teh lepprechawn started chewing on his hat and spit and girrgled and giggled. Moose said "are you gonna...." his sentece was cut short when the leppereychaunsaid: "mooo hehehehe dance cow dance!"  
the complexity of that sentence was way too complex for Moose's mind, so his entire memory of the second grade imploded. "MISTAR LEPRACHAUN, YOU IMPLODED ALL OF MY MEMORY OF THE SECOND GRADE! now i'm gonna have to go back to the second grade and re-learn how to multiply!" the leprachaun was very saddened by the thought of this so he gave moose a piece of irish cake.  
Though there was a secret ingrediant in the irish cake! Explosives! though they only exploaded with gumdrops but that was better than nothing! it could be a dream come true to the barney song! Poochie started singing, "if all the ta raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops oh what a rain it would be!"  
the leprachaun started screaming! "don't sing that song! it will make a demon buffalo come out of the ground and throw apples in the air! and apples are definatly not candy." moose was confused and looked at poochie who had come out of no where and started singing. "wait wait wait. im confused. can i just eat my cake now?"  
"no leprawkaan! not yet!" poochie looked at moose and moose looked at poochie. suddenly the scy turned orange and blue and the ground turn white like marshmellows! "what on bygawfly earth is going on here?" asked ta leppercon. moose stated ever so clearley, "land ho!!!!"  
"arr matie! land is on teh way 'cause we're pirates!" said the leprachaun. and he was right! the trio was dressed in horrible cliche pirate clothes, with like a hook and a peg leg and parrots on the shoulder. "poochie, i'm confused. why are we pirates?" moose asked, confused beyond belief. poochie just shrugged because he had no idea either.  
The leprachuan stood on deck to answer the questions. he knew he knew the answers, just not why he knew what he knew! "You're dressed as pirated me mateys because the little fairly of luxemberg said 'yo momma' and couldnt stop! no we gotta go find the trasure of The bread crust of doom!" Moose and poochie than said in unison: o_0 WWAAAAAAHHHHAAATTT?!?!?!  
the leprachaun smiled. "i don't know either! when moose lost all his memory of the second grade, it replaced all of my memories! isn't that exciting?" poochie was not happy with this. "my mommy always told me never to get involved with pirates or people with only a memory of the second grade. i'm going to have to disown you." moose was even less happy because he had never gotten to wear the scarf his uncle knitted for him last year.  
So moose and Poochie went seperate ways from ta tiny irish leprachuan. when they got atleast 20 feet away, they hid sloppily bdeind a bush. they watched the lepperacuahn sit down to eat his irish cake, when he swalled all of it, BOOM!! A bunch of marshmallows flew out of him and he was no where to be seen. all tat was there was ta marsahmellows and a giant 10ft tall four leaf clover  
moose and poochie had never seen a four leaf clover before so they came out from behind their bush to investigave. but when they got out there, the clover turned around and smiled at them with a super chibi face. moose and poochie were staring in awe when suddenly the clover turned into a mushroom! Poochie was allergic to mushrooms so he pulled out a kangaroo to sniff up and take away the shroom.  
"yaaaaaaay kangroo!" Yelled moose and poochie together! they were happy that the 4 leaf clover was gone and the shroom too! Now they could go to the yaoi country of awesomely awesomness and explore. Maybe even find long forgten steve! But the chance of the was like 1 to 1 bagazillion to 4  
despite the ASTRONOMICAL odds, steve appeared in front of them, nicely tanned and with his picnic blanket husband next to him. "hey there guys! what's up? i haven't seen you in hours!" moose and poochie were absolutely shocked! "man of man steve! its been so long? why didn't we keep in touch after you left?" steve shrugged. "because secretly, all of us are yetis living in the arctic."  
"zomygodsdh~" moose shouted uncontollebly! "I wanna be a yetti! nut i wanna live in Canada, eh?" said poochie! poochie did wat dogs to best, his puppy dog eyes! His eyes were so sparkly that... a MAGICAL PIECE OF BREAD CRUST APPEARED IN THIN AIR! Then followed by the crust was an orange, orange juice, OJ Simpson, Homer simpson, and Mikal Jackson (cant spell diff between micheal or michelle name thing)  
but wait! it turned out that micheal jackson wasn't really mj, it was orochimaru! "eeeek! this is like so not cool! i was busy...um...bothering! little boys! gosh!" the whole scene was very akwards so they all decided that the best thing to do would be to play extreme rock paper scissors. but no one could remember how, so they decided to play the normal way. so they played 78billion rounds until it was down to just poochie and oro! "ok! rock paper scissors SHOOT!"  
Poochie pulled out the big guns this time! he would win fo show! (lol) "1,2,3,4, i declare a thumb war!" Oro: "shoot dawng gang gan dang on it! I always looose wheeen iiit comes to thuumb wresttling" Orochimaru had some sort of western accent put on like southern. like reba. but somehow different. He started talked again "Yeah boy, i won!!!!!! Now come with me like good little cute adorable fudge chocolate coated brownies with almond boys that you are and be my delicious scrumptious servents for my stickey note book flash story thinger bout the whale and the chocolate bar man!"  
poochie was very sad. "i dont wanna be your slave child chocolate bar note book flash almond...wait what? well no matter what you are not my friend so you must go away." being told this made orochimaru very sad so to stall his leaving, he decided to spew out more random words. "oh yeah? well your mom was a cowboys fuzzy little kawaii desu muffin eating red blue soup dog cow moose hybird that likes to swin in the river with tom sawyer because it only takes three hours to get to memphis!"  
Orochimaru was getting irritated..."Oh yeah well, Tom Cruise and his Scientology video was crap! it was just im talking in the same room on yourtube for 7:36 on youtube land, and it was so mundane (i learned that word in school! we had a vocab test today) Scientolofy this and that, well go take your pretty rainbow lollipops or lollypops, both are correst, stick them in a volvano made out of cheeze-its and filled with teriyaki sauce and clapp you hands like this, put your face in your butt and draw a pretty butterfly on the side of your hip cause i tihnk that will look so kawaii there!!!" orochimaru was done ranting, it was mooses turn to speak, "YOU SICK PERVERT OF A MAN! AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A MEMBER OF THE BUTTERFLY JACKET STICKER HEADLIGHTS FOR COW AND CLOWN CARS SOCIETU! YOU DISGUST ME! hmppf!"  
orochimaru found himself inable to come up with a come back for that. so he fell back on the good ol, "voldemort's nipple!" moose and poochie gasped! "dumbledorr banned those words, oro! they're naughty words! you're gonna get expelled!" so orochimaru left hogwarts with a sad face and a sock on his head.  
Then a voice from a sudden loudspeaker came to show! it was mcGonnagles voice: "We shall now proeceed to follow orders. everyone imediatley apporoach the shoprite supermartkets baseball field for abrainracking game of quidditch!" Poochie said" yyaaayy quuidich!!! Who do you want to win, moose?"  
"HUFFLEPUFFIANS. those puffians are filled with such tomfoolery, it's impossible for them not to win!" moose said before having a random hamster implode in his face. "oh sorry my bad! i blow things up because i've got problems. and i've got problems because i'm harry potter!" said harry potter. before they could respond, harry potter ran off to be an annoying wallaby. so they went to the field to watch the magical quidditch game.  
Moose and Poochie sat down in their assighned seats and started to showt "HUFFLEPUFFIANS HUFFLEPUFFIANS HUFFLEPUFFIANS HUFFLEPUFFIANS" Over and over again. They wanted them to win so badly, theyd even go to abercrombie and fitch to do it! okay, maybe they wouldnt go that far for them to win. but theyed atleast go to Walmart and buy themselves! So off to walmart they went. In fact, it was a walmart superstore! (i am so saving this conversation) But before that, they walked in to a broom closet witch they though was a pet shop and saw none other thatn.....NARUTO AND SASUKE KISSING!  
"YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI BLACKMAIL!" moose squealed, taking 4857239457billion photos. poochie made happy squealy noises and started rolling around and being happy and seizury like a little fangirl but he was actualy a fanboy. suddenly he got up and tore apart the happy yaoi kissing and put sasuke in his bag. "sasuke is now my property. if you ever want to see him again, i'll be auctioning him off on ebay at 12:42 tomorrow morning! yall better go check it out!" naruto started to panic and be even more emo than sasuke normally was. and naruto being emo was crazy and it made the world implode like a duck!  
The next mornign, sasuke awoke. he realized he was in a dark enclosed space. he opened his eyes. he was swarming in pink! and hearys! This is not what he planned to do with his life! He was going to marry naruto and they were gonna have a baby and everything! They were gonna name it Sparta!!!! and going swimming every saturday! But now they would have to invite Moose and Poochie to come along to. Sometimes Steve and his newly webd husband 'picnic blanket too!' for BBQ  
poochie opened his bag and let sasuke out onto the table. "good morning sasuke! i made waffles and other edible substances for breakfast! i'm sorry you're never going to get your sparta baby because i stole you and dont plan on giving you back. i was actually lying about the whole selling you thing. youre gonna sit on my coffee table and be a smexy paper weight." he smiled and gave sasuke a fancy cow boy hat so he would fit in with poochie's western theme.  
Moose emerged from the kitchen with a plate of food for sasuke, filled with the only food that was help in the Moooochi (mmose and poocie) household, marshmallows! The marshmellows were engrossed with left over pastic chocolate that wasnt actually plastic. sadly..it was poeple food. no dog biscuits. you know why? cause i said so... =) They liked it that way. So they all sat down for lunch and ate those enchelatas that they love so very much  
but little did they know that naruto was waiting right outside the door, planning to steal back his sasuke. he wouldve gone inside sooner but he was a closet enchilada allergic. but that would all be ok when their magical sparta baby came into existence. his plan was to go inside and put everyone but sasuke into a giant pea pod made of peanut butter and fry them up to make the worlds first peanut pea person ramen. and when he had made that him and sasuke would go get married on top of old smokey which just happened to be all covered in snow. and he would look so wonderful, dressed up in his pink chiffon wedding dresss. and oh foo sasuke would look even more amazing in his leapord print man thong. he almost fainted thinking about it.  
Okay, 5 seconds down for teh hunt! Naruto makes his arrival in 5...4...3..2...1... seconsds annnddd BOOM! He kicks down the door and PB&J splurts all over the ground into tiny kinder eggs and the prizes inside thos kinder eggs pop out and says "I am a magical genies (in a bottle..song blah blah blah blah) and i shall grant each of you 1 wish!" Sasuke was the first to act, "I WANT MY AND NARUTOS MAGICAL SPARTA BABY!!!"  
so a magical little baby sprang into existince from the floor. it had blonde hair and demon sharingan eyes and a beard. it jumped up and started doing the macarena. sasuke was so happy he started to cry. naruto was just as excited. "I IS A MOMMY! AND THAT! THAT IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he hugged the babby and it made angry gargling noises then bit off his nose. moose decided to be an idiot and wish for some soup even thought there was a can in his pocket.  
Poochie was at a lost for words after seeing the MAGICAL SPAAARTAA BABY! that he lost his train of though. he said "Steve and bo." So just than Steve 'poofed into the room!  
"YO MAH HOMIEZ WUZ UP?" steve said. he was wearing a rainbow jumpsuit and his picnic blanket husband was dressed in a napkin ring. they both looked very dashing. "we just poofed here for no reason. we were about to go out for some tofu flavored klondike bars when we poofed here." that made poochie remember the smores and klondike bar he'd put into his pocket earlier so they all sat around a campfire and sang jpop and ate smores and chicken flavored klondike bars.  
"Love love lalalala looove shinnne shinne yeah!" they ended the song in pure bliss! They ate allll there smores and all theres soups. The MAGICAL SPAARTTAA BABY! went on a crawl around the apartment and magically found a kunai! with katana and kunai in hand the baby grew 25 feet taller and with the help of 20 evil carebears he snuck up on the others and one by one slaughtered them all! And just like that they were gone. Buh-bye Moosey Buh-Bye Steve + Bo, Buh-bye Poochie, Buh-bye SasuNaru (atleast they go togetther) and good buy my genies meh home dawg AND MAGICAL SPPRRRAATA BABY! WINS AGAIN!"


End file.
